....after 8 months.....1/229.....
this is where home is and always was... the return to the Team BeachBody message boards....
Where do I start....?
Some people knows me pretty good, some don't know me at all....some like to know me...and some wish they didn't know me :)
..funny.... (I'm just kidding..)
I'm on the message boards for many years, and as we all take a break at some point, we all came back again...like a little finger that is calling us....
In July 2008 my life fall apart, without knowing where to grab and where to hold on. After 12 years of marriage my husband and I mutually decided to take our separate paths. Me and the two kiddo's, Jaco and Tarien moved back to Nebraska and we took a very long time to breath again. We went through all the ups and downs and emotions that little people would know....
but with the help of our God, we all made it. We cry, we scream, we yell, we stomped our feet and the hurt wouldn't go away, but slowly we are getting better... we are healing.... one day at a time.....
Many friends are looking for me in other ways on the wonderful world wide web... and I'm dragging myself for a few weeks now to come back to the boards by request... :D
A few things change since I was here last time... still the same Tania - just a different outlook on life....
One BIG HUGE mistake that I made, in my transformation was probably the biggest mistake I could have ever done. (...and we all make mistakes...)
Years ago, when I started my transformation my SOLE *PERSONAL* reason was to get my marriage back. (that inner shy voice)
Get the fire back. Feel good behind close doors and feel good about myself, and that was that DEEP inside "why" that little people know.... but many of us woman think that way....
When I walked out of my house in TX last year, my whole world collapsed. My sole reason was to be the 100% perfect woman for my marriage, and when I walked out, I knew I failed... I didn't failed in who I am and what I achieved, but I felt like
I failed in the one thing I wanted to change SOOO much! The ONE thing I had no control over...
...it didn't took me long to realized I'm hurt so bad, that very little is going to change me.... and that I always had my safety guard up....
I can write books about my life, from where I was, what I've been through and where I am going... My body/weight didn't bother me one bit this last few months... Up and down - didn't care at all....
All I cared for was getting UP in the morning
and getting through the day... and still be able to hug my kids good night at night....
Soon after I got back to Nebraska I reached out to my local Lincoln team again.... Thank YOU y'all!!! Love you guys for being there for me!
........about 3 weeks ago my son was reading Joel Osteen for us, and as we are taking turns every night on who is reading, I fall asleep as he was reading :) and he said:
Mommy - you need to listen, this is just for you!.....
.... and the idea that he wanted to get to me was finding your fire! Finding what makes you excited and happy - and then you will truly be happy... close the doors so new ones can open....
And that kinda hit home... for my 11 year old to help me realize that I need to let go of the past and find my NEW joy....
I realized I had to do something for ME - for NOBODY else... and this is what I am doing now...
I do have a new goal - new passion... new fire... new "unthinkable" for many... but it's my bliss - will I make it? I don't know? will I try? YOU BET I WILL!!....
I want to compete in 3 fitness competitions this year.
Aug 29th in Chicago,
Oct 10th in Fort Worth, TX
and the BIG one -
Nov 19 - 21 in Las Vegas Nevada...
My support? EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!! I need ya! I want to do this SOOO bad - for me!
One of the Lincoln Coaches - Conner, is going to help me... YEAH!
Fitness wise - you ask what do I need to achieve?? - well - I'm not going to do body building. I'm competing in Ms Bikini and Model America.
AND another 37.5 pounds off!
so..... that's my new personal goal - NO BODY SAID IT IS GOING TO BE EASY, VERY LITTLE CAN DO IT, BUT I'M GOING TO GIVE EVERYTHING IN ME TO DO THIS - FOR ME!!!
What and ICE BREAKER - breaking the 8 month silence.... sorry guys.... I'll do my best to make this up to y'all!
A few weeks ago I draw a RED cross on the calendar to when I am getting back to the message boards.... and I have about 5 minutes to post...to still make it for today.... April 4....
Good night everyone...
Day 1 is in the books - 229 to go!
Many HUGS!
Tania-Maria
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